Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
