This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
