pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm really busy with my period
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