I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
