If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
