Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
