Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
