are you still at the devil's house?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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