uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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