there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
