i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
