I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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