Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize