whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
