Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
