doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
