Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this boner is exhausting
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
