Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How does one acquire holy water?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
