that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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