I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
