I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
