but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
