Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
