i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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