I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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