can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
