Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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