just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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