You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
