My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize