You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
