I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
