i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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