why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
