You can't motorboat a personality
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
