Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize