i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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