I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize