She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
