today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
