after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
