I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
