I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
