So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
