She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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