RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
