Sponge bath it is.
I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize