Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
