WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
