im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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