so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
