Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need water and some morals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
