my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
