"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
