it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
