Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
