Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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