Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
