She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
