So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
