butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
