If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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