Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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