Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
