i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You've changed since you got that strap on
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