i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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