i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
