The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
