oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
