Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize