the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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