I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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