I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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