swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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