I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
