id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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