Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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