i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize