so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize