when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
