Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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