Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
