i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
