I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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