Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
