last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
