That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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