The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
