I should be sponsored by Trojan
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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