this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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