If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
