I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize