Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
