omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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