My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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