Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
