Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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