Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
