Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
