just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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