nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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