btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize