whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
