Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
