How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
