My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
