i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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