she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
