i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
