I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we should paint friendship bongs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
